(And is Under The Influence)
Okay, Litigator of the Year.
First, this is Zara taking off her lawyer’s hat (it’s a jaunty number, not everyone can pull it off; think judge’s wig as re-imagined by Philip Treacy).
Second, the idea of Alexis and Diane in a story that doesn’t really involve Sonny or any type of divorce is highly, highly appealing. Especially given that Nancy Lee Grahn and Carolyn Hennesy can turn even this show’s idea of “humour” into something actually funny.
Third, Alexis is on the list of my all-time favourite characters.
Now for the but. BUT, how exactly is Alexis nominated for Litigator of the Year?
I simultaneously love Alexis and do not want to be subjected to watching her (or anyone’s) court scenes, but even I cannot see how someone who spent 2007:
(a) largely in and out of hospital stricken with first lung cancer and then highly inconvenient appendicitis;
(b) representing herself in a losing a custody battle to her ex-husband;
(c) losing custody battles that made no sense at all to Scott Baldwin;
(d) smoking pot;
(e) talking a town out of prosecuting a sociopathic hostage-taker without ever stepping foot in court;
(f) taking overseas trips only mentioned after the fact (i.e. being on the back-burner);
(g) being kicked off divorce cases for acting insanely out of character; and
(h) fighting fence disputes while, again, acting largely out of character;
could be nominated for Litigator of Year. Unless, of course, the only three candidates were Diane, Ric and Alexis.
Diane, sure. She spent three quarters of the year toiling amusingly through Jason’s trial, got Kate out of a bunch of things, and pulled Sonny and Jason from jail lord knows how many times. I can see her earning a nomination.
Nevertheless, I wait with unbaited breath (I’m not entirely insane) to see what happens with this comic stike-era story. With a huge hope that the actresses involved will ad-lib their dialogue (see below).
Now, putting my jaunty lawyer’s hat back on, the terms they were including in those letters, “prudent principles of precedent” etc: out of the writers’ arses.
Also, apropos of very little other than my general annoyance, Alexis Davis Esq and Diane Miller Esq are both wrong. All references should be to Alexis N. Davis Esq, or Diane N. J. F. Miller Jnr Esq. Or whatever the hell their middle initials are. After 10 plus years (yes, me = old) of working with American lawyers I have never yet met one who did not (a) include their middle initial(s) in their title, and (b) add “esquire” on the end of their names. They always add the latter to my name too. And I do not understand it at all. Esquire? It seems to me like an attempt to sound British (which means that I agree with Jerry for once; it’s a shame that they gave up the wigs), but “esquire” isn’t used anywhere else. Including here in my Commonwealth backwater, or England itself. Notes to American lawyers who may be reading:
1. can you explain to me why you all include it, because I genuinely don’t understand?; and
2. the rest of the world thinks it sounds wanky. Sorry, but it does.
Completely unrelated question: why is Lucky being so nice to Elizabeth all of a sudden? I do like the détente, but surely Lucky had several more months of righteous and entirely justified indignation due to him. Or at least until Sam has a certain conversation with Carly next week.
Of course, that’s hardly the only aberration.
We may be less than a week into the scab scripts, but I’m already giving up on commenting on the awful dialogue, aside from a few choice pieces to be featured in the sidebar. For all GH’s many failings under the current regime I really don’t think the dialogue is one of them. What they say might be awful, but the way they phrase it is generally above the soap standard, and the decline is instantaneously noticeable even if it’s some, but not all, of the same writers who are responsible. So that’s not the aberration I’m referring to, but rather the death of Stan Johnson.
Let’s see, Kiko Ellsworth quits part-way through Night Shift proving himself a man of considerable taste. GH completely ignores this and Stan just disappears without any mention whatsoever until New Years Eve, the powers that be living down to pretty much everything we’ve heaped upon them over the last 5 years. Now, all of a sudden, Stan’s quit The Corinthos Family in favour of Jerry’s Fake (But Sebastian’s Real-Enough) Accent Family, and is marked for death. And killed over the damn phone.
You can’t see me right now, or ever, but currently I am giving my screen the finger. I have also drunk the best part of a bottle of wine.
On an almost related note, where the hell do they find these scrubs?
Speaking of things they make a point of mentioning and then not mentioning: Spencer is back living with Nikolas. Isn’t that nice? Pity they didn’t mention, or hell, show, Nikolas un-rejecting his son after selfishly rejecting him outright several weeks back.
I also notice that Writer’s Strike Era scripts are marking a return to a pet peeve of mine, maximum characters for minimum impact. Character count for the first episode of 2008: 24 including the three speaking day-players.
Oh, the joy of January combined with scab scripts.
I so look forward to next week and its promise of Carly’s Head Exploding, no matter how blurgh the dialogue.
