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Plastic Non-Fantastic

21 November 2007

"They're all dead!"

Hello Monica, nice to see you, pity about the circumstances.

Can I note first that you are looking better than you have in some time. Good, with nice shiny hair, as opposed to scary and stunningly obviously plastic. I think I detect a Botox tone-down in order to be able to actually express grief during this sweeps death-a-rama.
Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

And then there are the words out of your mouth. To which we say Amen!

Look, to a degree I’ve always understood the way they’ve written Monica in relation to Jason.

If we didn’t have a whole town of Jason apologists she’d probably even get a complete pass, because if anyone’s entitled to be in denial about who their hit man son is it’s his mother who appreciates that he’s brain damaged.

Monica had four kids: her vilified natural son (now deceased), her momentary plot device natural daughter (now deceased), and the two children she chose to parent in very difficult circumstances. Jason and Emily (now deceased). Monica made a very active choice to take on those two kids, so understandably she’s rather bonded to them. They both chose to follow in her professional footsteps, and pre-accident Jason was the least troublesome, least screwed up of all her kids (and consequently startlingly boring).

Then Jason’s brain meets rock and he not only doesn’t remember the family, he actively resents them. Yet he winds up bonding with Lila and Emily, but not Monica. While I always felt like he had more respect for her than he had for the men in the family, Monica lost her bond with the son she chose to raise even though he was the product of the affair her husband paraded around town. She lost that bond even though he managed to make a connection with the other women in the family. They didn't judge him, he accepted them.

Jason became a mob hit man, was complicit in ensuring a fundamental estrangement between Monica and her only grandson, and barely sees her other than during sweeps crisis events. But Monica remained one of his chief apologists. Lila and Emily didn't judge, and he loves them, so maybe if she doesn't judge he'll love her too. She tipped him off to goings on at the hospital – when they remember that she works there – in ways which sent him off with more guns. She embraced any contact he facilitates with Michael as if it’s a gift rather than something he took away in the first place. She used every single opportunity she’s given to try and make some connection with her son, even though he’s a hit man.

It’s frustrating and seems contrary to everything else Monica was (to say “is” would be misleading given we only now see her when they kill another member of her family), and yet, I could understand it with her.

Of course though, we do have a whole town of Jason apologists, so Monica just became another log on that particularly galling fire, when they bothered to write for her at all.

Which makes it entirely welcome that now that Emily is dead she choses to let Jason have it:

“You are nothing but a killer!”

“You are everything I have left and I don’t want you, get out!”

Beautiful. Give me more. Keep it coming for days, weeks, please. Have more people join in.

I suspect we’re supposed to feel sorry for Jason in this, but aint going to happen. I’ll feel for the fact that he’s lost his sister, but not a moment’s sympathy when his mother rejects him or blames him for Emily’s death. And if the rest of the family joins in then so much the better. I’ll just sit back and enjoy the ride.

And hope it lasts once they find out that Emily may be dead, but hey, Jake’s really a Q.

Go Monica. Hope to continue to see you around speaking, yelling, and punching the truth, complete with movable face. That your maternal grief for AJ didn't bring this on is just another part of his vilification, but if Emily's unnecessary felling brings about a change, then it's achieved something useful.

23 March 2007

Boxes, Ruffles and Scary Boobs


It’s been a while since we’ve ventured out into the real world soap fashion-wise, but a few appearances around LA over the last week have passed across my desk, and I could no longer resist.


First we have the seasonally appropriate Natalia Livingston. Seasonally appropriate is the only compliment I can offer (and doesn’t apply to any of the others), as it boggles the mind as to why someone who is generally quite attractive would wear something that makes her look like a box.

Then we have Rachel Melvin who apparently wishes that her high school prom took place in 1987. I might add that I think this outfit could have been a hell of a lot worse; she almost makes it work. Almost.

Heather Tom went more for the disco era of the late 1970s, and I’m not sure this dress allows one to breathe. But it is a pretty colour even if her hair continues to be inexplicably over-blonde.

Then, finally, frighteningly, we have Jacklyn Zeman. My thoughts on the state of Jackie’s face, and boobs, are well documented. And here is some definitive proof of the ravages of age and plastic surgery, combined with an unnecessarily crocheted dress.

STOP SCROLLING HERE IF YOU DON’T WANT TO BE SCARRED FOR LIFE.

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09 March 2007

Face-Off!

I made an off-hand comment about this at TWoP yesterday in my late night board roaming, but really I think it deserves a post. Generally I try to avoid criticising actors for anything but their acting ability. And occasionally their off-set wardrobe.

But sometimes, as a result of ridiculous plastic surgery, I am forced to comment. I’ve done it before with the Goonification of Josh Taylor over at Days, and now I am forced to do it again.

GH killed off Alan, and one of the few bonuses we get from that is the almost indiscriminate release of the veterans from that closet in the East Wing of the Quartermaine mansion.

Even Bobbie has been on for three damn days in a row. Sure, she hasn’t had any story, and they haven’t even gone close to mentioning that affair she and Alan almost had when Monica had cancer, but she’s been talking to people she should be talking to, like Luke, and Scotty, and Monica.

Which is where the problem lies. The Great Face-Off of 2007. And when I say Face-Off, I mean in the original face removed or completely layered over with plastic and under with botox kind of a way.

Bobbie:

Monica:

Bobbie and Monica:


And let's be honest, those caps don't do the destruction justice because you really need movement to see the lack of movement.

I would yell at Jackie Zeman to stop, but let’s face it*, I’d be about 15 years too late in her case. As for Leslie Charleston, it seems a more recent development (I say “seems”, because, again let’s face it* we went fairly long periods of time without seeing her and it had nothing to do with her being off under the surgeon’s knife) and to an even more scary level. Jackie was never the master thespian, so the lack of movement in her face was not as dramatic a development as it has been for Leslie, who was a really damn good actress. Who now can’t move her face.

Through so many of the mourning scenes with the family during the last week or so, especially those with Jason (I think because he doesn’t talk so much, let alone emote, so the focus is often on the other person and their conveying of emotion) I kept thinking that it must be really odd for the other actors to be standing so close to her, looking straight into her face and trying to keep in character themselves.  Try to keep from laughing or trying to shake some sense into her.

Obviously Bobbie isn’t going to have that problem because she can’t move her face to break character even if she wanted too, and if she did it would be the biggest case of the pot calling the kettle plastic ever.

It’s ridiculous. And really sad. Plus, rather scary.

Oh, and I’m late to the party, but I love this blog. They have a similar view of things to me – not to mention similar viewing habits - and have as much of a problem with the transformation of Monica into Port Chuck under the influence of the Ice Princess as I do. Plus, you know, funny.

Screencaps courtesy Clarissa.

* Repeated puns not as intended as they should obviously have been.

03 December 2006

Separated on the Surgeon’s Table?

Okay, it turns out it was a photo essay for today after all, largely because it was so damn easy to find the photos.

See what I mean about the current incarnation of Roman Brady and Sloth from The Goonies: