Looking for a last minute gift for the shameless soap lover in your life? Unafraid of schmaltz, cheese and cubic zirconias? Just looking for a good laugh?
Then I have just the thing for you, with the First Annual Soaps By Remote Holiday Gift Guide. Presented in descending order of loopiness.
We have clothing:
A “Like Sands Through the Hourglass…” T-shirt*.
An “I Wish I Was A Quartermaine" T-Shirt. (What, no “I Wish I Was Needlessly Back-Burned”?) Also, I note for the record there is no “I Wish I Was A Corinthos T-Shirt”. Telling, I think.
Passions undies.
General Hospital scrubs, anyone? (Available with and without logo). Unfortunately I don’t believe Patrick comes with them.
The ConFusion Muscle Shirt. Really, truly.
Erica and Jack’s wedding champagne glasses. Because anything commemorating an Erica Kane wedding is bound to last!
A Wyndemere Palm Tree. Again, really, truly. There are scarier things on this list, I promise you, but I’m fairly sure that this GH-related offering is the most bizarre TV-related merchandising I have ever seen in my life.
Jewellery:
Passions has an entire Crane Couture clothing line, but how about some “diamonds” by the yard?
Don’t forget Laura’s fake wedding ring from her fake sweeps stunt wedding.
Accessories:
Take a Y&R Bum Bag the next time you go travelling.
Books:
There are tons of history and trivia books, which I can understand up to a point, but if you want some real fun you really need Having It All by Erica Kane.
And finally, and most deliciously, you have CDs:
There’s ABC Daytime’s Holiday Album.
There’s a Y&R Soundtrack which includes the immortal cue “Longing for Sax”.
But neither of those hold a candle to the one-two punch of Days soundtracks. First, there’s the Love Themes Soundtrack. "The Rose", I hear you say; "Tonight I Celebrate Your Love". You wish. No, this album features none of classic schmoopy 80s love themes we associate with Bo and Hope, Kim and Shane or Steve and Kayla. No, no. This features that unforgettable classic "When Two Chevys Collide" by Peter Reckell.
Though, while that title is fabulous, and I’m sure the lyrics live up to the expectations it raises, neither can surpass the second Days Soundtrack, featuring the Days score from a few years back. That album features music cues titled, among many, many others, “Oh, Bo!” “Who is Gina?” and, fabulously, “John of the Jungle”!
Happy shopping.
* Hmmm, I originally typo-ed this as t-shit and my spell-checker did not indicate that was wrong...
