Soaps By Remote

Let Them Wear Cake

I associate The Young and the Restless with many positive things, but ‘fun’ isn’t generally the first word that comes to mind.  Except for this past week.  This past week was the very definition of great soapy fun.

With everything associated with Billy and Chloe’s wedding and the culmination (finally) of the Katherine/Marge identity story, I had a smile on my face.  I mean, come on, there was a cake fight!

They built up this great combination of elements.  A highly reluctant and even more charming groom.  A deluded but snarky bride.  The mother of the groom getting along with absolutely no one else, and vice versa.  The groom’s bratty niece/friend and smiling assassin of a brother/best man hanging about.  And the culmination of a lengthy DNA quest to undo months and years worth of story, but in a good way.

First there was the rehearsal dinner with zingers back and forth all over the place and the possibility of a food and/or fist fight breaking out at any moment if not for the room-silencing ability of the only comparatively sane person in the bunch, Ashley.  Of course, even she isn’t that sane given she’s pregnant by the Moustache.  But at least she actually stayed for the wedding.

Then we have the groom getting schtonkered and sleeping with the unwillingly lassoed, rapidly unravelling bridesmaid the night before the wedding, said bridesmaid being so hung over she looked like she was about to vomit on the bride and had to run out the of wedding, and Nikki showing up in a Pepto Bismol suit in the middle of the ceremony waving DNA results around.

With more than half the guests more interested in the DNA results than the wedding, the priest twisting the commitment knife as far as he possibly could, and the groom trying his best not to run away mid-ceremony, it was all kind of hilarious in the best soapy way.  And that was before this happened:

Kay throwing cake in now non-daughter Jill’s face and getting it right back was definitely fun.  And I’m pleased that they undid making them mother and daughter because I never fully understood why they made them mother and daughter in the first place.  Having the other key family and “family" members caught up in the fight, so it wasn’t just one on one, was also a positive.  I’m going to be interested to see how Jill copes have now isolated herself from almost everyone.

And then, of course, it’s all topped off with the return of the groom’s wife-cousin-non-wife-non-cousin, who really should have been granted substantially better lighting for her return so that she didn’t inadvertently look closer to Jill’s age than Billy’s.  Actually, I mainly think it’s Mac’s hair cut, which is quite aging.

Speaking of hair, it was a wedding, so we have to take a moment out for the outfits.  Esther got stuck with a giant floral tribute on her chest – which wasn’t as bad as it could be – Chloe’s otherwise cute outfit was ruined by that headband.  Her hair looked so much nicer when she was getting ready and didn’t have that thing in it.  And it should be noted that Colleen’s dress was no longer than the bottom of that photo.

But the real fashion focus for the event comes in Chloe’s apparent instinct for other things.  She may not know Sharon is sleeping with Billy, but she’s clearly got a sixth sense about something, because why else would she provide Sharon with a bridesmaid’s dress straight from the wardrobe of Carly Corinthos Jacks?

I’m long on the record with not liking Sharon, but even she does not deserve that monstrosity.  (Further proof that Ashley’s not all that sane: she called that dress elegant.  Ah, no.)

Can’t wait for this week.

General Hospital: Most of Two Days in Review

Okay, so, for the love of Robin and Patrick and engagements and babies, I have dived head first back into General Hospital, which I haven’t watched in months.  Turns out, unsurprisingly, that diving head first into such a shallow pool can cause serious injury.

Thus, with last Friday’s episode I was immediately greeted by the attempted farce of Max, Jason et al trying to convince Max’s father than Max is actually the mob boss and Jason his bodyguard in the face of an onslaught of Carly.  I was immediately rendered unconscious and had to wait some time to regain my head and check for brain damage before I could start watching again.  After fast-forwarding through the rest of that scene.  And the rest of everything else to do with that “story” for the rest of that and every other episode except where Maxie is involved.

And then I discovered I’d started a day late in terms of the actual Robin and Patrick engagement and had to go back.

At which point I was faced with this:

and felt immediately at home.  Frankly, I think a big part of the reason I got so bored with GH earlier in the year was because Carly had been dressing normally for months and half the glory was gone from the world.

Whatever she was aruging with Jax and Nikolas over, naturally I don’t care about.  Though there was a good line in there about how she would be petty enough to take revenge by selling out the hotel, just not in this case.  I was also, I’ll admit, rather pleased to discover that after all this time and numerous mutual wedding/party attendances they finally remembered that Jax and Carly essentially kidnapped Spencer in the not all that distant past and that therefore none of these three people should like each other.

As for Jerry going around injecting snoopy nurses with drugs, glad to see his character has grown and improved.

I also skipped all the stuff between Kate and Sonny, because I don’t really care about whatever lead up to Kate being shot.  Again.  And yeah, Sonny, you deciding to go back to the mob ain’t no big dramatic pronouncement.

Then, finally, halfway through the damn episode, we got back to the reason I was watching in the first place.  Loved Mac's little intervention, and his anticipation of Robin's reaction to it, was so sweet and a perfect Mac over-reaction, but charmingly deliberate in this case.  And it resulted in 1, 2, 3, Awww.

Returning then to Friday, and continuing on a sunny (as opposed to Sonny) theme, October 29th is a lovely day for Robin and Patrick to get married.  Nothing like walking down the aisle 10.1 months pregnant.  And shouldn’t she have a c-section scheduled because she’s less likely to pass on the HIV that way?  I’m pretty sure I learned that from…an episode of Night Shift maybe?  Definitely not this show.  But really, once they got over any cack-handed talk of Sonny Spawn, the 1, 2, 3 "Before" was also super cute.

Speaking of Sonny Spawn, I do like Olivia though.  Pity she has to be the mother of even more said Spawn. 

Of course, it goes without saying: shut up Sonny.

I also like Ric and Claudia.  Pity we didn’t get to follow them upstairs though. 

And Sam and Lucky.

All of which shows, again, what’s wrong with this show.  The stuff that’s good, and light, and fun, and romantic – Robin/Patrick, Sam/Lucky – gets no time.  In place we get the guns and drudgery.  They don’t even need to totally get rid of the mob, they just need to give us some goddamned balance!  Yes, yes, this is me beating a dead horse.  While banging my head against a brick wall.  And thanking the soap gods every day for Maxie Jones.

Next up: this week’s wedding plans.

Caps courtesy Laurie.

The Carlys Take a Belting

Before I get to my big Days post I had to leap in with this the moment I saw it.

Am I just too fashion obsessive*, or did someone in a wardrobe department in Burbank have a little joke?

General Hospital – October 2007

Days of Our Lives – February 2008

I could call it an odd leather and tweed gladiator-belted coincidence, but if Sarah Brown turns up in some version of this horrid Bebe dress then I’ll call foul. Or, more likely, start laughing really loudly.

* Feel free to say yes, you would hardly be the first.

GH cap courtesy Clarissa, craptastic Days cap courtesy me, obviously.

I Will Get My Hair Cut and Wear Beige

Or perhaps tan. Maybe light brown.

General Hospital Three Weeks In Review Part One

When even Epiphany’s scrubs are basically beige, you know there’s really a problem.

Then throw in hair cuts for Tracy, Kate, Robin, Jax, Cassius, Logan, Michael, and I feel some themes developing.

November was the Black and White Sweeps, February is the Beige and Sharp Hair Sweeps.

This does, of course, leave the door wide open for a whole range of bland jokes, but I'm actually going to leave those aside because there's been plenty to like about GH over the last few weeks - plus a few things to hate and a few things to sleep through. Actual commentary to follow shortly.

Caps courtesy Clarissa.

A Hollow New Year to you too, GH (updated)

Right, I was all prepared to embrace the scab scripts on the basis that they couldn’t be worse, right? (I support the strike wholeheartedly, but there is conflict in also wanting to see what other people can do.) However, I gather the first of the scab scripts for GH was late last week and by Friday, I rapidly found myself in “shut up!” mode.

Witness:

Oh god Trevor, shut up! I just do not care. Do not.

Sam, you broke up with Jason, there is no need to go chasing him around town to berate him again. Shut up!

Jerry, you’re an ass, shut up!

Then the whole Nikolas/Vapid Ghost/Lulu/Lucky/Liz scenes were just the GH expositional equivalent of a Days extended flashback.

So, exposition and blather in all its annoying forms. All of which leads me to believe that Captain Exposition crossed the picket lines, dammit.

And as for yet another mystery mob guy? Piss off. It being Jerry doesn’t make it more interesting, in fact it probably makes it less interesting. Want to solve a real mystery for me? Tell me whether Lulu’s still at university and what Logan does for a job since Sonny fired him.

More lunatic violence for the sake of it, yes, that’s what we want. Not. I hate all of this. Johnny is cute, but not cute enough to make any of this worthwhile. Though I guess that now that The Sopranos is over, all the actors know there’s still a source of never ending mob bit parts for them.

Jax wanting to be partners with Jerry? No.

Logan and Cooper were all “tell, don’t show”.

Jason and Elizabeth, as cute as they are, were just a game of phone tag and foreshadowing of missed New Years dates.

The Sonny/Kate stuff in New York was fluff, also with a healthy dose of exposition. As compared to the unhealthy doses going on in other stories.

So, the only real progress we made was a diagnosis for Nikolas, that had to be pulled out of him like teeth with no anaesthetic.

Then we moved on to Monday which was just hollow. One New Year’s party they didn’t show, one that they did which was populated with an insufficient number of day-players for it to actually look like a party Kate might attend. Now, sure, Sonny being arrested was kind of funny – not that it was intended to be – but otherwise, what was the point?

Then we don’t see any of the younger set at all, Elizabeth and Jason miss each other, Patrick and Robin and Sam and Lucky only get momentary scenes in which Robin has another new haircut and Sam remains stuck with poodle hair and now a beret. A beret. The closest thing we get to New Year romance is Nikolas snogging a figment of his inoperable brain tumour and Carly snuggling up with her flu-ridden husband. Note to Jax: Sydney is not 21 hours ahead of upstate New York, it’s 16 hours ahead at the moment.

I’m sorry, I’m just not interested in Epiphany’s lack of phone calls from Stan on the holidays. Even as the foreshadowing it so obviously is. Could we have had some additional Robin/Patrick and Sam/Lucky scenes instead of those please? No, sorry again, I take back that apology. I am not at all sorry that I’m not interested in this as a “story”.

I’m also not interested in Joe the depressed mechanic, otherwise known as Random Potential Serial Killer 2.0.

So, on to the important stuff that has nothing to do with the writing: the clothes. What is with the poodle hair and two bad outfits for Sam? And a beret? A beret? I know that technically these episodes are from last year, but Sam really has the lead on Worst Dressed 2008.

Kate’s New Year’s dress was lovely and, as much as it pains me, I even sort of liked Carly’s dress even if at some angles it looked a little like it had a bustle.

Those were Epiphany’s worst scrubs yet.

It may be the fact that it’s 47 gazillion degrees here right now, and has been for days, and today’s my last day of Christmas holidays, so my fuse is a little short, but this was not a great end to the year people. Though, for all the many, many failings of 2007, I would still have to say: not as bad as 2005.

Now I’m off to eat ice cream for lunch and make myself feel better. And cooler.

Thanks to Clarissa and LiznJase for the caps.

Ask, repeatedly, and you shall receive...

So, I’m behind on all viewing due to pre-Christmas work rush, however a quick glance in the direction of my referral stats was enough to alert me to the fact that perhaps I should skip forward slightly to get a glimpse of a certain coat Carly was wearing over the last couple of days.

Now, my question is, are so many people searching for Carly’s tie-dyed coat because they love it or they hate it? Because I’m definitely leaning towards the side of “hate” – it is Carly after all – but I’m not wholly convinced.

Anyway, here you go, searchers, Carly’s tie-dyed coat:

More later (I’m about 3-4 hours out from finishing work for the year, then I plan to sleep for 17 or 18 hours, then soaps catch up. (Unless I can’t sleep, in which case pissy and lack of sleep punch drunk soaps updates will come earlier.))

Caps courtesy Clarissa.

2007 Best & Worst - Part One, A Category in Isolation

We’ll begin the awarding of this year’s Best & Worst with a category that deserves it’s own post. The Worst Dressed Award.

And the Loser is…

Carly Benson Roberts Spencer Quartermaine Corinthos Corinthos Corinthos Alcazar Corinthos Jacks

Was there really any doubt? You knew when it got isolated into its own post, didn’t you?

Now, I can’t say there was no competition at all, and I can’t say that she didn’t improve later in the year largely thanks to spending a month in an attractive black strapless dress, and her wedding dress was lovely, but really, this competition was over as soon as the Summer of Backlessness At All Costs began.

In case you have any doubts as to why Ms When Bad Clothes Happen to Good Hairstyles won this award, I give you the year in Carly’s wardrobe:

Oh, and my vote for absolute worst outfit of the year? The yellow backless number she wore to visit Jason in jail. Inappropriate on every single level.

Dis-honourable mentions in this category to Days’ Kate Roberts and GH’s Sam McCall, the latter’s wardrobe for most of the year I have to believe was the most successful part of Amelia’s revenge plan.

The rest of the Best & Worst, for Days and GH, will roll out over the next couple of weeks.

Thanks to Clarissa for the caps.

GH Week in Review (Belated)

There were some good things about General Hospital last week.

1. The colour red:

2. Skye's outfit (and the general sense they got a new curling iron in the hair department last week):

3. Emily and Nikolas's continued attitude to the Lucky/Elizabeth divorce. You know, the rational, sensible, non-judgemental attitude. It's refreshing.

4. Lucky telling Ric where to stick his alliance. And Elizabeth’s look of mild panic when Diane advised her she’d be getting everything she deserved.

5. The ongoing chemistry between Logan and Lulu (which makes the stuff with Johnny even more ridiculous than it already is).

6. This expression on the news that Robin was asking Jax to father her kid.

Which was amusing in and of itself (though, painfully, Carly was always going to have my sympathy in the subsequent argument), but more because it was hopefully just a little hint as to what her reaction will be upon discovering Jake’s actual parentage.

7. Carly wore an outfit I actively liked. Not tolerated, actively liked.

But then she took off her jacket and all was right with the badly dressed Carly world again.

8. Luke and Tracy, and Tracy's pitcher of breakfast bloody marys, which brings us back around to the colour red.

So there we go, 8 goods things about last week's GH and most of them were wardrobe related. Though even those were balanced out by the evil of Elizabeth's top and this monstrosity...

...and I won't even waste any of our time with the stupidity/fundamental dullness of the various stories.

Caps courtesy Clarissa.

I’m an attorney, not a short order cook

GH Second Half of Week Wrap

It was a week for the lawyers this week.

Diane rocked, as usual – especially the slouch of “this idiot is not listening to me again, even though I am brilliant” – on Wednesday, and got to be strangled by a blouse, also as usual.

Then she rather rolled on Thursday when she kind of lost it a bit with her fashion rant, which was disappointing. Or would have been if not for Ric’s reactions saving the scene:

If all ridiculous GH court cases could lead to that type of expression parade, I might be more willing to watch them. I also thought for a moment there that Kate was going to tackle Diane rugby style in the middle of the court room. But by Friday she was back to the Diane we know and love, pointing out Sonny’s flaws left, right and centre, even if forced to do so in yet another tie. A purple one. That really needs to stop.

Then, of course, any scenes that involve both Diane and Alexis are fabulous, especially when they involve them playing metaphorical ping pong with Sonny. And I’m even willing to put up with a little stupid divorce battle between Lucky and Elizabeth if it means Alexis and Diane sharing scenes.

Speaking of that particular marriage dissolution, Cameron seemed a little too happy to hear that Mommy and Daddy are getting divorced. Again.

Maybe he, like the rest of us, saw the writing on the wall when they stupidly got remarried in the first place just to make sure there was a wedding for sweeps and is now glad that contrivance is over. On the other hand, maybe he’s just distracted by the awful half-hearted badly placed fake gold leaf on Mommy’s t-shirt.

Which is not nearly as ugly as the décor in Elizabeth’s new house. Otherwise, it’s a real pity that gigantic lie still sits between Lucky and Elizabeth because I really liked their break-up scenes over the last week, pre-divorce nonsense. Appropriately bittersweet.

On other matters Nikolas getting to kick and throw things is rather concerning not least due to the three children currently living in his house, but also makes me think that perhaps Emily shouldn’t be emphasising her skinny arms of easy breakability quite so readily as she did in this shirt.

(Also, Emily’s wearing a hell of a lot of eye make-up for her day off, and Natalia Livingston seems to be rather struggling with those hair extensions whenever she has to do anything other than look straight ahead.)

On non-fashionable issues, as much as the Spinelli-speak makes me tired, I do think I’m going to have to find a way to work “life-snuffer” into posts wherever possible. Likely in relation to Jason, I’d be guessing.

Lawyering aside, the more Kate’s drink driving hearing went on, the more I felt for Kirsten Storms. There’s no excuse for drunk driving, but the timing of the story does have “rubbing it in” all over it. I do love Kate though, I really do. And while the community service in the hospital smacks of contrivance, it’s in the hospital. Which means more scenes in the hospital. Hopefully Robin will be in more than one of them per week.

And then, of course, there was Scott introducing Logan the pot to Carly the kettle, or vice versa. Which was rather funny, even with the fact that he himself is potentially blacker than the pot and the kettle combined. Of course he went from funny to downright endearing when he called Carly on her self-righteous streak, the least earned self-righteous streak in all of daytime (and it’s got some serious competition, let’s face it).

But really this wasn’t such a bad week, even though I still feel that Ric, once again, speaks for us all when he asks, with his whole body: Really?!?!?

Caps courtesy Clarissa.

The Trajectory is Down

Last Week’s GH Catch-up.

Knowing what was coming in general terms, I felt the need to stockpile a few episodes of GH to watch back-to-back because I anticipated mucho fast-forwarding. And so it was.

Aside from the “I am not watching a single conversation between any combination of Carly-Jax-Jerry until such time as one ends in Jax running to divorce and family emancipation court” nature of the enterprise, “take something interesting and screw it up” also seemed to be a theme of last week.

Last Tuesday’s episode, if you edited out Carly and Jax, which I did, was actually a pretty damn good episode.

Think about it. Robin and Patrick having fun and talking seriously, Lucky and Liz working through stuff, Georgie and Spinelli being extremely sweet, Emily and Nikolas – ok, Emily – being pretty up front and reasonable, and Sonny being territorial, condescending, hypocritical and jealous in regard to Kate’s relationship with Trevor, and Kate calling him on every single one of those points in so many words.

Unfortunately, as the week went on, the horrible parts, even in those in relation to the bits that started out great, started to overwhelm the good. Plus the mob wars joined in. And that’s even with me not hearing a single word out of Carly’s mouth all week.

Take Robin and Patrick. Early in the week a combination of fun, great conversations and romance. Really good stuff. By the end of the week Robin hasn’t appeared again and they’re heading for break-up over a stupid flirtation with a nurse who appears to have been cast (and contracted now, gawd) solely on the basis of her accent. Damn you GH casting department. You’re pretty much the one thing about this show (while the Holy Trinity of Geary, Elliot and Grahn are/were on holidays) to never let me down, and now suddenly your head is being turned by an accent that’s not even Australian. Blah to all that. Every level of it.

On other fronts, by as early as Wednesday Nikolas was already reduced to arguing with Alfred, and everyone else, about office space. And being “mysterious”.

By week’s end Sonny returned to his self-designated role of dispensing “this is for your own good” so-called advice in the most patronising tones possible to everyone in sight, having spent the middle part of the week yelling at various people and throwing things, and therefore being rendered completely uninteresting. Again. Sonny trying to move Carly and the boys back into the house for their own good? How does anyone even remotely think we would find that interesting? It wasn’t interesting the first five dozen times he did it and it’s not interesting now. No matter how many long suffering nannies they murder.

Poor Leticia got a line and a target painted so clearly on her forehead that I’m actually surprised her line wasn’t “this is my last shift before I retire”.

Even Trevor who started out pretty low what with the insults and ultimatums to Kate, went downhill by moving with great speed into threatening children.

Not everything went downhill during the week though. George and Spinelli were great throughout. Georgie herself is fabulous. She’s fabulous, and so natural, hanging out with Spinelli analysing Lulu and Logan. She’s truly fabulous when pointing out every single thing that is wrong with Jason and his life both from a killing people for Sonny perspective and from it all being thoroughly depressing perspective. Generally she was just a gigantic breath of fresh air the whole week and took Spinelli along with her. Not to mention being on every day. Amazing. Present and pushing a wholly reasonable anti-mob line for more than one day, and even doing so in a manner that wasn’t even vaguely suggestive that they intended to make her look bad in doing so (aside from the outfit, of course, see below). I repeat: amazing. Give me more.

By later in the week Lucky and Elizabeth may have moved on to discussing their problems with their best pals and having pool parties – totally reasonably – but somehow in between Lucky found time to join the Marines...

…and Liz aimed for ballerina and ended up at Olympia…

Sam and Alexis didn’t show up until Thursday, and they started out well too. Alexis’s absence was explained, and they were acting like mother and daughter. Sam wasn’t even being nuts. She, of course, went straight back down hill into fake victim mode pretty much instantaneously though.

Alexis, naturally, did not crash and burn like stories all around her, even with being sucked up into mob drama. Neither, interestingly, did Ric. If anything his trajectory during the week was up. Beginning in desperate to get Sonny mode and moving quickly into slightly desperate father and tormented son. Rick Hearst was great again this week. Ric’s such a bastard and he’s so all over the place and yet Rick manages to be able to turn on a dime and elicit my sympathy without me having to stretch at all. His resignation on Friday was perfect. And then Alexis skewered him nicely, as rightly she should.

Then, of course, we ended with (another) bombing and, most charmingly, the loyalest, most put-upon employee of anyone ever on this show, perhaps they only stable influence on those two little boys, gets murdered for her efforts. As if spending the best part of a decade working for Carly, Jason and Sonny and having to supervise Michael wasn’t enough.

In the fashion department things were also pretty dire. Georgie’s fabulousness was not diminished by being forced to wear the most hideous outfit I have seen this year. Which is a true mark of how great she was last week.

In the meantime her on-screen sister sported an outfit that makes me reasonably sure that Kirsten Storms’ weekend DUI was caused by her accidentally breathing in while walking past a wine tasting because that would have to be all it would take someone that horribly skinny to be over the limit.

Over in the part of Port Chuck that I wasn’t actually watching but only glancing at pictures of in order to make fun of Carly’s outfit, I was disappointed because she appeared be wearing something flattering and not wholly in appropriate.

Then she turned around.

Finally, although Diane made legal sense by pointing out that family law was not her thing – us lawyers not being specialists in every type of law, contrary to the usual soap position – she got stuck with a pale pink jacket over a black shirt for her efforts. Which is entirely unfair.

But it could have been worse; she could have been shot or strangled or knifed.

Next up: what exactly is the etiquette when it comes to contemplating sleeping with one’s sister’s grandfather?

Caps courtesy Clarissa.