Structurally Unsound

How many times a week do I find myself wishing for more hours in the day? Thinking that if only there were a few extra minutes here or there I could get everything done and still have time for mindless lying around? Clearly I simply have not been utilising my existing time well enough. Obviously, if I just put some more effort into it, I could get so much more out of my day.

Just look at the citizens of Port Charles.

In two minutes and forty-six seconds...

...or two minutes and fifty-five seconds, depending on whether you ask the end of Thursday’s episode or the beginning of Friday’s...

...Spinelli and Maxie packed up all their stuff and left the building with the mysterious ticking sound to be apparently well out of harm’s way, without mentioning the ticking sound to anyone else.

...Carly spoke to Michael on the phone, made her way from her home somewhere in suburban Port Chuck to the now ubiquitous dockside cannery building, had a heartfelt reunion with her previously missing son, had a lengthy discussion with him as to how and why he ran away, was appropriately horrified to discover that he’d left someone for dead and not done so much as make an anonymous call to 911, and got blown up.

...Marianna and Randy went from Kelly’s to the docks – not that far, admittedly – had some kind of set to, and she either killed him or rendered him unconscious, she then spoke with Ric on the phone, waited for him to show up, hovered over Randy’s inert body, and then got blown up. Fortunately for the audience most of this took place off screen.

...Ric had a glass of wine and a tete-a-tete with Claudia, spoke to Marianna on the phone, made his way from his home somewhere in suburban Port Chuck to the docks, met Marianna, discovered Randy’s inert body, and then got blown up.

...Claudia had a glass of wine and tete-a-tete with Ric, made her way from Ric’s home somewhere in suburban Pork Chuck to her family compound in a whole different town, called Sonny to make a deal on a completely separate matter, made her way from her family compound in that whole different town to the Port Charles docks, became the target of an assassination attempt, and got blown up.

...Sonny mainly made up with Kate, spoke to Claudia on the phone, had Johnny pulled out of the abandoned asylum, gathered his goons, made his way to the docks, met with Claudia, and got blown up.

...Trevor eavesdropped on Claudia’s phone conversation, made his way from the Zacchara compound in a whole other town to the Port Chuck docks, organised an assassination attempt, and got blown up.

Even allowing a little leeway for simultaneously running stories, that’s a hell of an effort. Especially given that they all actually made it to the docks in time for the countdown from fifty-seven seconds.

So, really they all achieved the above in less than two minutes so that there was enough time to “create” “tension” with a “big” “countdown”.

Tense, isn’t it?

You’re anxious, aren’t you?

Wondering how these bombs have been left to sit around for a week or so with no one looking for them even though they’d found several others?

Anxious to see that a miracle happens and only Ric, Johnny and maybe Claudia survive?

Had enough now? Want more fabulous CGI? Here you go…

So, what have we learned from this experience?

1. I clearly am not practising my teleporting and multi-tasking skills enough. I’ve got to put more effort into it.

2. This was a monumental case of hackery on the part of, in particular, the directors, editors and continuity people on Thursday and Friday.

3. Blowing shit up when the audience wants virtually everyone in peril to die doesn’t make for much suspense or drama even when the timeline ain’t shot all to hell.

Caps courtesy LiznJase.

Comments

[BrandName]

You're right about this one. I haven't seen a soap time line this off since last summer's touch the sky hijacking/jett's shooting last summer. And what's the deal with the CGI? That's money that could have been used to keep the Veteran cast members on the payroll.